Wintertime Delusions

Delusion: a fixed false belief that is resistant to reason or confrontation with actual fact... 


Well, I'd say that sounds about right.


Around this time of year, the novelty of running and hiking in the snow has started to fade and my sunshine deprived brain starts to plan summer trips. This is a dangerous thing.
 In my deranged state, I typically plan multi-day outings on trails or rivers I've never seen and I'm so convinced that it will be a wonderful time that I actually manage to convince my friends to tag along as well. Sometimes the trips are wonderful, sometimes they're terrible. The most likely scenario is that there will be good and bad times in abundance.

For an example, lets take a look at last years spring float trip.

                            Initial Plan: Paddle From Asheville,NC to Douglas Lake, TN.
                            A distance of about 80 miles via the French Broad River

Being that we only had about 4 days to complete our journey, the trip plan was shortened and Marshall, NC was to be the new put-in point. This meant that we had 4 days to cover 54 miles, and I started selling the trip as a laid back float and fish type of journey. My estimates for the number of Smallmouth Bass caught on this expedition would be somewhere near one hundred per person.

 In two days, the pictured canoe would be folded around a rock in a very un-canoe like U  shape.

In this photo: From L to R (Brent Worth, Dave Worth, Jon Schwenk, Ben Schwenk, Cody Zurhellen)

Typically, the logistics on these trips is a supreme undertaking in and of itself. For this trip, we had the transport to and from our take-out points covered thanks to a wonderful wife and mother-in-law. We made it to Marshall, NC with no problems on a sunny and promising day. As we began our float, the idea of nothing to do but paddle and fish for four days had us all feeling like this trip would be legendary.

It's important to note that among the five of us, only two had kayaking or canoeing experience. Only one of us had whitewater experience. This didn't seem to matter though as the initial miles were incredibly mellow. But as the day progressed the air became cooler, the surrounding mountains steeper, and the water swifter. As the water became more challenging, many of us started spending more time in the water instead of on it. Day 1 culminated with Dad taking about a quarter mile whitewater swim and then becoming severely hypothermic.

                                 After Dad had some hot coffee, maniacal laughter ensued

Luckily, we found a decent place to camp a short distance up river.

                                          Breaking Camp, Morning of Day 2

Tensions were high on the second day. My promises of a laid back journey were, uh... brought to my attention. Nothing about this day was easy, or even remotely pleasant for that matter. This was the single most exhausting day of my life. By and large, the folks in kayaks could manage the rapids. Unfortunately, the guys in the canoe were having to walk their boat through every stretch of whitewater, which seemed to be placed in exact quarter mile intervals. If you've never experienced the difficulty of walking a canoe and 50lbs of gear down a rapid, lucky you.

                               Fun game... see if you can find Cody swimming yet another rapid
                               Hard game... see if you can spot his kayak

But if anyone could master such a task, it would be the Schwenk brothers. We sure know they we're getting plenty of practice. A very intricate system of walking behind the canoe and guiding/dislodging it with a rope had been devised. Usually, it worked very well. This was no usual trip though.

We were within eye-shot of Hot Springs, NC, which at this point had become our goal to the point of obsession. I had eagerly paddled ahead, waiting for the crew to navigate the days final rapid. Something was taking an unusually long time though. As I made my way back up river, I could see Cody, Ben, and Jon, but just one kayak. This is not a good thing. What I found upon arrival was some strange deformed piece of red polyethylene, ohhhh.... the canoe. As I looked around, I could see the bulk of our gear floating in various eddys and cruising down stream.

                                      Sitting in the smelly kayaker section of Iron Horse Station

Through some stroke of masterful luck, we finally made it to Hot Springs, NC. On this day, 10 miles of river took us over 10 hours to cover. If you ever find yourself with a canoe that has become concave instead of convex, my advice to you would be kick it and yell your choice of profanities until it returns to its proper shape. It worked for us, the canoe performed beautifully on the final 34 miles of river.


My assumption was that after so much suffering, the trip was to end at Hot Springs. But much to my surprise, there was no mention whatsoever of calling it quits. We simply rested, re-supplied, and began day number 3 of this most interesting journey.

By this point, the river began to resemble something of what I had originally envisioned. Scenic and easy.

                               Livin' the High Life

At the close of the 3rd day, we conveniently found ourselves at the Bobarosa Saloon, a restaurant and bar located in Del Rio, TN. If you've never heard of Del Rio, you should do a little research, they're famous for all sorts of things.

                                       An interesting evening was had

By day 4, the crew had forgiven me for nearly sending them to their grave. Putting such a heinous stretch of river behind us was now a point of pride among us.

This final day also made good on my promises of Smallmouth Bass.

                            Redemption: Ben showing off the fish of the trip

We eventually paddled our way to the beginnings of Douglas Lake. Sunburned, dehydrated, and in dire need of a shower; we loaded the boats and gear and made the trip home. Never did I think that I would ever have any desire to even risk replicating such a journey. As the winter progresses though, I occasionally find myself following blue lines on a map through places I've never been. Maybe I'll even be lucky enough to find a few guys who are foolish enough to come with me.